I’m Not Dead

I have been absent from this blog for quite some time, and for that I apologize. I’ve really been busy and absolutely not evading things at all (okay, maybe a little). Things have been more than a little stressful over the past several weeks.

School

I have recently entered my (hopefully) final year of undergraduate studies.I’m taking courses on novels, Shakespeare, poetry, and Latin. It’s all pretty intensive, and Latin has forced me to study in ways I never have before, which is very cool. I love learning, I just wish there were more hours in a day to do all of the things I’d like to.

I’m also president of my school’s LGBT organization, which also requires intense attention. We have some very cool things planned, and I hope we can reach and help a lot of people. I have an exceptional group of people in the group, and there’s all kinds of love and support everywhere, which is uplifting.

Move 

I recently completed a really big move, and the unpacking is really tough. Moving from a house to an apartment is probably always nigh impossible. My partner also had the misfortune of falling during this whole ordeal and breaking two ribs. We spent a night in the hospital, and on top of all the moving stress, everything is ridiculous.

Life

I’ve been very depressed lately, too. Being referred to by my birth name and fielding uncomfortable questions about being transgender, even from fellow queer people is exhausting and disheartening. It makes me feel almost as if transitioning isn’t worth it, like I will never be perceived as male, even by those who love me. It complicates  even my romantic relationship, which is the most disheartening thing of all.

I need some encouragement that transitioning is worthwhile and not just some fool’s errand. I”emotionally exhausted and I just want to be seen as who I really am.

Hopefully, as things calm down, I’ll be able to write more frequently. I have a couple of projects on deck to finish and post, so stay tuned!

Ever wondered what it’s like to be transgender?

Nothing has ever spoken to me more than this. Holy shit.

Transiteration

Imagine being a kid. Your favorite toy is a remote control dump truck, and even though your sister tries tirelessly to bribe you into playing Barbie’s, you gravitate towards the huge diverse bin of legos. Your birthday party involves Thomas the Train, and your mom whispers in your ear “I know you won’t really like it, but when you open the square-shaped one over there, pretend like you’re thrilled.”  This is not a new phenomenon. You nod, acquiesce, and make sure to profusely thank the parent that gave you a deluxe little-kid hair accessory set. You also begin plans to shoot the hair bands at your sibling from afar. By grade five, you’ve already assumed the characters of Abraham Lincoln and some other important dead guy for school projects and ignore your mother’s polite requests to embody more feminine figures; after all, you came, you saw, and you conquered elementary…

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