I have been absent from this blog for quite some time, and for that I apologize. I’ve really been busy and absolutely not evading things at all (okay, maybe a little). Things have been more than a little stressful over the past several weeks.
I have recently entered my (hopefully) final year of undergraduate studies.I’m taking courses on novels, Shakespeare, poetry, and Latin. It’s all pretty intensive, and Latin has forced me to study in ways I never have before, which is very cool. I love learning, I just wish there were more hours in a day to do all of the things I’d like to.
I’m also president of my school’s LGBT organization, which also requires intense attention. We have some very cool things planned, and I hope we can reach and help a lot of people. I have an exceptional group of people in the group, and there’s all kinds of love and support everywhere, which is uplifting.
I recently completed a really big move, and the unpacking is really tough. Moving from a house to an apartment is probably always nigh impossible. My partner also had the misfortune of falling during this whole ordeal and breaking two ribs. We spent a night in the hospital, and on top of all the moving stress, everything is ridiculous.
I’ve been very depressed lately, too. Being referred to by my birth name and fielding uncomfortable questions about being transgender, even from fellow queer people is exhausting and disheartening. It makes me feel almost as if transitioning isn’t worth it, like I will never be perceived as male, even by those who love me. It complicates even my romantic relationship, which is the most disheartening thing of all.
I need some encouragement that transitioning is worthwhile and not just some fool’s errand. I”emotionally exhausted and I just want to be seen as who I really am.
Hopefully, as things calm down, I’ll be able to write more frequently. I have a couple of projects on deck to finish and post, so stay tuned!