(Belated) Pride Day 13: Top V. Bottom

I apologize in advance for this. I’ve gotten very annoyed that now that I’m out as a bi trans guy, the first question people want to ask is “top or bottom,” as if those are the only two choices.

The False Dichotomy of Top and Bottom

A quick glance at gay culture reveals dichotomies largely built on hetero- and cisnormative gender lines. There are butches and femmes, tops and bottoms, doms and subs. Sexual behaviors, for some reason, have become social identity. What kind of a fucked up, self defeating attitude is this?

To be honest, the butch/femme culture in the lesbian community challenges heteronormative paradigms in a way that the top/bottom and dom/sub communities don’t. However, no one is perfect and we live in a really heteronormative world.

Why is it that sexual identity, gender identity, and social presentation are so bizarrely linked in the queer community? Is there some aspect of this that imposed upon us by hetero society? Why is it that tops feel pressure to present themselves as hyper masculine and that we assume that all femme guys are bottoms? Why is there this need to recreate gender norms in spaces that try to subvert them?

Why should we, in re-creation of hetero society, restrict ourselves sexually or socially by their constructed limitations? Why should we deny ourselves pleasure in upholding an unnecessary and arbitrary framework of exclusivity?

Think about that the next time you’re tempted to ask me whether I’ll “be a top or a bottom now that I’m a dude.”

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